Child Abuse! Child Abuse!

Some parents put out cigarettes on the bodies of their children. Others feed them Big Macs their entire lives. Broken bones are another mainstay of the child abuse crowd.

But Walter McKelvie has put all of these abusers to shame, concoting a plan of such nastiness that he should be locked away for life... or at least the 18 months that he might get for child abuse.

Walter McKelvie Jr., 43, of Vineland, N.J., was indicted Tuesday and charged with one count of child abuse and neglect. Authorities were alerted by the boy's mother, who has custody of the child but was not with him at the beach, prosecutor Meghan Hoerner said.

So, the custodial mother (which is kinda redundant, do mothers ever not get custody?) thinks that the guy she divorced is a bad guy. And what better way to hit him than to charge him with child abuse.

Oh wait, I forgot to say what this guy did:

...was charged with child abuse for not applying enough sunblock to his mentally disabled 12-year-old for a day at the beach.

By that standard, I have spent a lot of time abusing myself.